5 ways to show thanks to your surrogate

01 Nov 5 ways to show thanks to your surrogate

Giving the gift of family is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give another person. So how do you even begin to say “thank you”?

While there is no one-size-fits-all answer, we have compiled five ideas on ways to show your thanks to your surrogate based on what we have heard from surrogates and intended parents. 

Send a thank you message

Sending a thank you message with a heartfelt thank you is a simple way to express your gratitude. You can express your sincere gratitude using words in a card or record a short video of you (with your family) talking about how they changed your life. 

Send pictures

One of the main reasons a surrogate decides to pursue surrogacy is to see a family’s dream come true. After you and your family are settled with your new bundle of joy, send some pictures to your surrogate. Some parents have private photo albums and share the link to the album with their surrogates to allow the surrogate to view pictures at their convenience. At the very least, send a picture once a year on the baby’s birthday. The amount of pictures you send will depend on your comfort level, and time. 

Send a thank you gift

Sending a gift can range from cookies to a vacation, the limit will depend on you. Some intended parents sent a basket of home-baked goodies for everyone in the surrogate’s family. While other intended parents booked a weekend getaway at their favorite spot. There is never an expectation on the size of your gift (or even sending a gift at all). Your gift can be for just your surrogate or something for the whole family. If you need ideas, check out Pinterest and/or ask us. We have heard a variety of ideas throughout the years.

Post-birth recovery care

Recovering from your baby’s birth is the same as any post-birth recovery. Even though she is not caring for a newborn, her body is still recovering from birth. Post-birth recovery care can include anything from a recovery basket of goodies to hiring a cleaning service to clean her house. If you live close to your surrogate, you could stop by (with baby) and bring lunch (or just a coffee). Ask your surrogate how she’s feeling or if she needs anything to gain an idea of items you could send post-birth.

Keep in touch

While showering your surrogate with gifts, or experiences, can be fun and rewarding, some surrogates just want to keep in touch with you. Depending on how close you became during (or after) your journey will depend on how much you keep in touch. Keeping in touch can be as simple as sending updates through text/email or a phone call. Keeping in touch could also mean sending an invitation for your baby’s1st  birthday party. Some surrogates have expressed that they do not need to keep in touch all the time, but that they do not want to feel abandoned after the baby is born. You should discuss the expectations for keeping in touch after birth during your psychological screening, but it’s also a good idea to discuss before the baby is born.

Remember, most surrogates pursue surrogacy for the intrinsic satisfaction and do not have any expectations for after the journey. If you choose to share thanks, try to keep you and your surrogates preferences in mind. Some surrogate’s prefer no thanks, while others love to be showered with gifts. It all comes down to everyone’s expectations and comfort levels. It would be a good idea to discuss both you and your surrogate’s preferences before the baby is born. If you need help having this conversation, reach out to your case manager who can facilitate it if needed.