03 Mar Surrogacy: Agency or Independent? Which One’s Right for You?
Whether you’re struggling with infertility, same-sex parents, or just need a second person to assist with the baby-making process, surrogacy can be the perfect solution. Once that major decision is made, though, a whole new question pops up: Should you go through a surrogacy agency or handle things independently? It’s like deciding between hiring a wedding planner or winging it yourself— both have their pros and cons, and while neither route is wrong, knowing which one is wrong for you isn’t something you want to figure out halfway through the journey.
To help you decide what works best for your parenthood journey, here’s a breakdown of the pros and cons of each option.
Surrogacy Agencies: No Panic Button Required
For many, surrogacy agencies are like the comforting embrace of a well-organized, experienced friend who knows exactly what’s going on. Going through an agency means you’ll get all the support, guidance, and paperwork that might make your head spin if you had to do it yourself.
Agencies do the hard work of finding and screening surrogates, checking health history, and making sure everyone is emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically ready for the big journey. You won’t have to worry about whether you’ve picked the right person; the agency’s got that covered.
Agencies usually come with their own team of experts and often a nationwide network of all the players you need – lawyers to write up those crucial contracts, clinics and doctors to make sure everything’s running smoothly medically, escrow companies that will be mindful of your money and keep rigorous track of expenses. You won’t be lost in a sea of medical jargon, worrying about whether your legal documents are air-tight, or questioning what a PBO is.
One of the additional benefits of choosing an agency is their ability to provide support in case a match falls through. If for any reason the initial match between intended parents and a surrogate doesn’t work out, agencies often help facilitate a priority rematch. This could be at no additional cost or a reduced cost, saving both time and emotional energy. Agencies have an established network of surrogates and can move quickly to ensure the journey continues with minimal disruption.
Talking about money can be one of the more uncomfortable aspects of surrogacy, especially when it comes to surrogate compensation. Not everyone feels prepared to have those candid conversations, but agencies typically have pre-established compensation packages that clearly outline all financial expectations. This makes the financial aspect straightforward and transparent, removing some of the awkwardness from the process. The agency handles the negotiations, ensuring that both the intended parents and the surrogate are on the same page and protected.
Surrogacy can be an emotional rollercoaster, and having someone to guide you through the ups and downs can make all the difference. Agencies often provide emotional support and counseling for everyone involved, helping surrogates and parents navigate the journey with fewer avoidable tears while still celebrating the happy ones. A good surrogacy agency will be there with you from the moment you first contact them until after your baby is born.
Even with all of the benefits agencies bring to the table, there is one major drawback that has to be mentioned: Like any VIP service, it comes with a price. Agencies charge a flat fee for all the services they offer, and it can add a significant amount to an already expensive process. For people who have done their research and are willing to do all of the legwork, agencies don’t always seem financially wise which leads them to look at independent journeys instead.
Independent Surrogacy: DIY, but With a Side of Caution
One of the biggest perks of going independent is that you’re in the driver’s seat. You get to choose your surrogate, directly negotiate terms, and make decisions on your timeline. If you’re someone who likes to be in control, you’ll love having that autonomy.
With no agency fees, independent surrogacy can be significantly cheaper. That means more money for baby clothes, adorable onesies, and those heart-melting baby pictures you’ll soon be taking. You can increase your surrogate’s compensation, splurge on a babymoon, or even start saving for a sibling journey. You’ll still need to pay for legal services, medical expenses, and other essentials, but the overall savings can range from $10,000-$60,000 depending on the agencies you consider.
You’re also taking on the responsibility of finding a surrogate, arranging all the legal and medical steps, and managing everything that comes with the process. If that sounds like a lot (and it is), then think carefully. It’s like hosting a party where you need to handle the guest list, catering, entertainment, and cleaning up afterward with the potential of surprise guests and power outages and minor disasters. It’s doable, but you better be ready.
With independent surrogacy, if the match falls through, you’re essentially starting from scratch. Finding a new surrogate can be a time-consuming process and may take longer, especially without the established network or resources an agency provides. Additionally, you’ll have to handle all the legal and medical arrangements from the beginning, which can delay the process and potentially add to the emotional strain.
When you go independent, you’re responsible for everything — including discussing financial matters directly with your surrogate. For many, the conversation about compensation can feel uncomfortable or tricky. Unlike an agency, where financial terms are laid out clearly, you’ll need to be prepared to discuss and negotiate compensation, which can lead to uncertainty or miscommunication if you’re not familiar with the process. Without a clear framework, it can be
harder to navigate these conversations in a way that feels fair and respectful for all parties involved.
Without an agency’s team at your disposal, you’ll need to rely on your own resources to make sure everything goes smoothly. If you’re not a fan of wading through legal paperwork or Googling fertility clinics and attorneys, this might not be the easiest route for you.
So, which one should you choose? That depends-both are great, but one might be more your style.
Do you like a structured, smooth process, or are you more of a “let’s just see what happens” kind of person? If you like things neat, organized, and with a clear game plan, go for the agency. If you’re more of a free spirit (and ready for a little chaos), independent surrogacy might be your vibe.
How’s your budget looking? If you’ve got a little extra to spend for peace of mind and support, an agency will be your new best friend. But if you want to cut costs and roll up your sleeves, independent surrogacy could help you save quite a bit.
Do you have time to juggle everything? Agencies will handle the heavy lifting, so you can focus on the fun stuff (like picking out nursery colors). Independent surrogacy? You’ll be doing the lifting yourself. If you’re all about doing things your way, this could be a rewarding challenge.
How are you with the hard talks and awkward moments? In a surrogacy, disagreements and high emotions are common, if not inevitable, and have to be addressed. If you want someone else to play mediator so that you can focus on keeping your relationship with your surrogate nice and smooth, an agency is probably the way to go. If you’re the type who likes to hash it out yourself and rip off the bandage, you could do great with an independent journey.
At the end of the day, whether you go through an agency or fly solo, surrogacy is about building a family — and that’s something that’s always worth celebrating. No matter which route you choose, the most important thing is finding the right surrogate for you and building a relationship based on trust, open communication, and shared excitement.
Whichever path you take, remember: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. The best choice is the one that makes you feel comfortable, confident, and ready to embrace the beautiful chaos of parenthood!
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