The Importance of Matching Intended Parents with the Right Surrogate

19 Jan The Importance of Matching Intended Parents with the Right Surrogate

Matching with a surrogate is a big and exciting step in the surrogacy journey. It can be easy to get swept up in the excitement of matching that you might not think it’s a big deal of who you’re matching with. Just remember, you will be attached to this person (and their family) for atleast a year (if not longer), so you want to make sure you’re matched with the right person for you.

We have compiled a list of things to consider when matching with a surrogate below. Every person is different, and it’s about finding the right person for you. 

Religious and Cultural Views

Does your surrogate have to be of the same religion as you? Are there certain things that must occur during the pregnancy according to your religion? How do you feel about having a surrogate of a different cultural background? It’s important to discuss what you are your “non-negotiables” and what your are more flexible with.

Political Views

Not that you will be talking politics with your Surrogate, but ask yourself if it’s important that your surrogate has the same political views as you? Consider some of the highly controversial political topics in the fertility world (like early termination). Where do you stand, and where does your surrogate stand? Maybe political views do not matter much to you, but they do to your surrogate. 

Early Termination

This topic is a non-negotiable. You must match your outlooks on this topic with your surrogate. Determine where you stand on this topic before you match with a surrogate.  It doesn’t matter where you stand on this matter, as long as you have a stance and openly discuss it with your surrogate before you do an embryo transfer. 

Sexual Orientation

How do you feel about your surrogate if they have a different sexual orientation than you? OR, how would you feel if your surrogate didn’t support your sexual orientation?

Race

Are you open to using a surrogate that is a difference race than you? 

Location

Does the location of your surrogate matter to you? Do you want them to be closer to where you are located? Keep in mind that you will be paying for any travel expenses your surrogate incurred for doctor appointments, so while you might match sooner with someone farther away, your budget might feel otherwise. 

Financial Needs

Can you afford to pay your surrogate a salary? If so,how much can you afford to pay them? 

Do you have a budget for your entire journey (including medical, legal, and surrogate expenses)? Some of the expenses are out of your control, but it’s important to be realistic in what you can (or can’t) afford. 

Relationship Status

Does your surrogate need to be married? Are you okay if they are single or divorced? How do you feel about them dating during their pregnancy? You may not have a say on what they do with their private life, but it’s important to know where you stand and to have those conversations with your surrogate before matching. 

While you may not know exactly where you stand or how important these topics are to you in your match, it’s imperative you atleast have the conversation and identify your non-negtiables. Some topics may be harder to discuss, and can feel uncomfortable, but imagine how much more uncomfortable it would be to talk about them after they become pregnant with your baby?! If you can have open conversations about these topics and find what works for both parties before the embryo transfer your journey will feel a lot smoother.